"Why can't you be who we want you to be?"

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever seen the movie Martian Child? Its this movie starring John Cusack as a widower, David, and this adorable child Bobby Coleman as an orphan, Dennis who thinks he's from Mars. At the beginning of the movie in a perfect round of serendipity, David's world leads him to this little boy. A science fiction writer (think equivalent of Frank Herbert of Dune/George Lucas via Star Wars 4-6, not 1-3 because those were just CGI gone wild for the most part) who adopts a boy from Mars.

Dennis wears a weight belt because he thinks gravity will make him float away, and looks like a tiny little albino because of the amount of sunscreen he wears to protect himself from the sun. He also hangs upside down a lot in order to get the blood flow back to his head because he thinks gravity interferes. Seriously, for a six year old he thinks a lot about the universe. Throughout the movie, its an uphill battle to c

onvince the adoption folks that they should stay together, because they think that all of Dennis' quirks show considerable issues that perhaps David just can't handle.

There's a beautiful moment...when David is supposed to be presenting his new sci fi manuscript instead bringing in something about his new son. His publisher is livid. "Why can't you be who we want you to be?"And you see the realization in his eyes. He's been convincing his son to be exactly who everyone else thinks he should be, instead of reveling in the amazing young being he is. Alien, human this kid is amazing just the way he is. All he wants is to be loved for who he is.

In this world I think we spend a lot of time trying to shape ourselves into the mold others create for us. And some of us try to create the mold for others. Its a hazard of living. We want so hard to fit in and be understood that we can wind up losing ourselves to the battle. What if we spent more time celebrating the unique differences?

Hot as a biscuit

Do you ever think about the words that you say during a day?

The small things, the big things. The I love yous and business appropriate terms that fall out all the term, even the less than stellar moments when you might as well walk around with a gigantic arrow that says "insert foot here."

I like words. Which is good because well, I am the type of girl who uses them a lot. I talk. A lot. It happens. I've come to think of it as part of my charm. Because really the only alternative is that its my biggest fault but its preferable to think of it as an "opportunity" for growth.

Words are important. Lately I've come to realize how much. In the past few months there's been quite a bit of upheaval where I've learned the necessity behind listening to what others say and learning to gauge my speech so that the meaning comes out appropriately rather than sporadically. It's a work in progress.

In this world, often we don't tend to realize the importance of what we say. The words are flippant. Promises are sometimes kept, we tell portions of things but leave out others. The older I get the more I pay attention. It bothers me. Our words are part of who we are. It seems a travesty to be anything less than who you are, because you are so absolutely amazing.

I'm currently in the process of re-evaluation of my life. July is going to be my month for looking around. For breathing. For gaining a greater perspective. For searching out new paths.

Doing it all

Do you know the funny thing about trying to do it all? Its impossible.

We make choices. Things get lost or found by the wayside. You spend a little more time at work, you lose time with the one you love; spend a little less time at work, miss out on that promotion you really deserve.

Its really easy to try to do everything. I don't know about anyone else, but me...I want to be everything. The best friend, daughter, sister, worker, volunteer, what have you. Whatever you can think of, I want to accomplish it. If I kept to the plan I'd wind up president of everything and loving confidant to the world. But gee its tiring. And it doesn't work out.

The last say 3 months, I've spent the majority of time working to keep an apartment I never see. 2 years at canyon ranch building a career that was gone in the space of 20 minutes at the expense of my personal life. 5 years in college for a degree that I love but don't actually use. The experiences are useful. They teach. They exemplify exactly why balance is necessary. It gives us peace. A chance to find the beauty of a life to enjoy.

I see people around me who go through their own journeys and its amazing how similar we all are in a place trying to find direction. We look to each other, to things, places, ideas. You lose sight of what is really important in the chase of the magical carrot on the stick. If I get through this...then everything will fall into place. I'm definitely one of these people. I'm learning. How to let go. When to be ok with just being myself. How to create my life.

There's this quote I love...
It gives me this feeling that we are going through something that is meant to be felt, shared, experienced. Not a battle meant to be overcome. I refuse to believe the whole purpose behind God putting us here was some sort of highly comical torture device.

This is what I think life is supposed to be:

An exploration. An opportunity to chase wonders and excitement, to find ourselves and the ones who will bring our world to another height. A balancing act between accomplishment of the workplace and creating a life for ourselves. A place where we have a brilliant opportunity to create a world that we love. Life is supposed to be a beautiful journey.

Gettin freshy freshy

Yes kiddies, I'd like to talk to you today about a little discussed issue in the world.

This is the world of halitosis. Say it with me...ha-lit-TO-sis. I emphasize the toe sound.

Breath that is so strong as to sink the titanic all over again.

It sends village folk running faster than godzilla (gojeela!)

Faster than a speeding bullet and can take down even superman.

Really, breath like that is something only someone would really love you would even try to handle. Kind of makes me think that really...the spouse might have even worse breath than they do and thus is grateful that they have someone who is willing to kiss them.

There needs to be a support kit, maybe a group. Proper brushing habits 101. Comes with floss, a toothbrush, possibly an electric sander. A little mouthwash and perhaps some bleach.

Adventures in bookland

Before this past November, I had never before entered into the land called retail.

Since then there have been many life lessons learned like...

• using a cash register without wrapping yourself in it with a headphone cord
• when someone is running out the door...tackle. Actually you're supposed to step aside and call security but I like the idea of tackling someone and taking them out! Look at my little muscles go :)
  
• If someone uses a bouncy glitter ball to avoid actually working, feel free to take them out with a tennis ball machine and those same previously mentioned glitter balls.
• Plastic bags are all the same. They will NEVER open no matter how hard you try until the customer is looking at you like a dink. So instead, suggest they not be selfish creeps and save the environment instead of using a bag. Points if you mention saving some random animal at the same time for extra guilt.
• If the customer argues with you for 15 minutes trying to get you to make up a coupon/discount, feel free to direct them to the competitor. Double points if you know someone obnoxious who works there to direct them to.

Latest learning curve?? Merch. Putting up new displays, taking down old ones using strange maps and diagrams and spreadsheets. I spent a good 3 hours mostly moving Twilight books this week from one table to another. It seemed like about a million of them but who knows it might've only been a couple hundred. Maybe. I only did about two tables but at least I'm learning! Witness my prowess...






Yay vamp books!

Things we know

I've been thinking about what to write about for days since I decided to restart the whole blogging thing. I wanted to write about something super cool or fantastically exciting but really, I do best when writing about what I know so thats whats gonna happen. Sometimes pouty, other times excited, its all ok. This is mostly for me anyway.

Do you know what I'm good at? Being loving, excited, happy, caring and impatient. Lately its been quite a bit more impatient. With this recession going on, its just hard to make ends meet without going in deeper so it seems like barring any miracles this girl is moving home in a month. Its ok, I've come to terms with it mostly. It just feels rather like a failing instead of just another step which it logically is. Ever notice how our feelings are often so different from the logical world? But on the plus side, my impatience is apparently not enough to make me take a bad job so yay me.

More impatience...2 jobs. Getting enough hours to fit one full time job. Figuring out if I'll ever sleep again. Enough said.

A beautiful thing? I don't have to work again for 18 hours! I can sleep in. What a blessing!