Got invited to paintball. REALLY want to go. Not going. Why? Because I'm pissed at one man and feel like the other one hates me. Realistically its also because I don't like being worth less than any other person and a soccer ball. Separately. I'm literally worth less than than a soccer ball. Got invited to paintball part II. Still not going. Same reasons. Taking the moral high ground of not stealing friends and also concurrently pouting I also managed to un-invite myself from most other activities.
I'm tired of the following:
- problems
- interruptions
- people not valuing me. maybe its because I don't value myself enough? Realistically I'm pretty damn awesome but never think I deserve better. I'm usually surprised when someone treats me reasonably well.
- bills
- AHT. grrr.
- the knot that lives on my right shoulder
- an unclear path. yeah i know the point is the journey but really, wtf. itd be nice to have at least an indication. an arrow. perhaps a bread crumb trail? preferably a neon blinking sign.
- progress
- to stop being terrified of dancing
- to shoot someone with a mother f'n paintball gun.
- a really cute man who kisses so well i get tingly toes. and treats me like a princess because he likes me. Then eventually because he loves me.
- career progress and clarification. right now its a hazy mist that's irritating the crap out of me.
- better health which is already being worked on with healthier eating, weening of bad stuff and more regular exercise ick. eventually maybe i'll even like the exercise.
- regular craft time
- semi-regular video game time. but not excessive.
