Open to references or Surviving vs Thriving

In my life I have been blessed.

Honestly, some seriously trying times have occurred but nothing I wasn't strong enough to handle with a bit, and sometimes a ton of help. Those times have frustrated and strengthened me. Quite often they've tested my limits to extremes but really, every life on the planet has had those. I can look into your eyes and hiding behind them is your set of hurdles. I dwell on mine every so often and then keep moving.

Progression has occurred.

This day is light years farther than ten years ago and again, what a blessing. It is time to set another fire me thinks. Metaphorically anyway. Realistic fires I tend to burn myself on especially during baking. That love that goes into cookies as the special ingredient? Every so often might also involve some hidden curse words.

You know what I got asked this week?

"Deanna, do you think you're average?" My answer? "I've never been average."

I haven't. Never will be.

I think I forgot that.

I'm kind of amazing. Not perfect. But I'm passionate. I steer towards honesty, persistence, kindness and love. I'm the gal you come to for answers, support, projects, creativity. I collect knowledge like a kid would collect coins for their piggy bank storing it up for a rainy day or a really great opportunity or just something really fun. I have great common sense. I'm a bit nerdy and a lot fabulous. I sparkle!

You know one of the saddest things I hear on a day to day basis? "You don't get a job and expect to be happy." Why not? Do you really think God put you on this earth to suffer? My parents raised my brother and myself to do something that makes you happy because you're going to spend an awful lot of time doing it. I've met people who are ecstatic to be homemakers, retail clerks, real estate developers, beer makers, even insurance agents. They don't settle for it. It speaks to them. Yes, you need to do what you must but why do you have to stay there? Let someone else find their happiness doing that something while you go find your own. I want to find my happiness.

I've been happy at jobs. I've gone into work 5 days a week when only one was required just because it was fun. I've felt my heart sing. And to be an adult doesn't mean giving that up. I think it kind of makes it that much more important. When you're an adult you're given the greater opportunity to put your heart in motion.

I want to be in love with my life. I will be. Right now this is a great crush waiting to turn into an epic love affair.

I want to see the ripple

Sometimes I get a little caught in myself.

Honestly, my path in life is a little bit cloudy to me at this moment. Its the watched pot I keep staring at with a stalker's intensity and so of course the sucker isn't boiling yet. So I wait. And while waiting I hold on to what I do believe which are some pretty simple premises.

• If you can do something to make someone's life easier do it. Especially if it doesn't hurt you.
• Examples: 
• Smile at a stranger
• Pick up a paper towel on a public bathroom floor. Seriously. They're almost always clean as they are physical evidence of someone washing their hands. And if you're that afraid of the germs you can use another paper towel to pick it up once you've washed yours. A custodian isn't a maid. They get long days too. 
• Send your friend a letter, its kind of fun and who doesn't like getting mail? Real mail is fantastic. Its like manna from Heaven in the midst of a dozen credit card offers.
• Don't purposely make someone's life harder
• This one shouldn't need examples. Don't be a douche. And if you hold grudges like I do...it doesn't matter, that has nothing to do with it. If they're good people they probably already feel bad for whatever hurt you. If they suck, nothing you do is going to fix how much they suck.
• Try to do things that make yourself happy. 
•  Do what you have to do of course, dishes and whatnot, but spend your extra time on something important to you. Here's what I've got so far:
• Fabric Art
• Books. Many many books. Do you realize how amazing the library really is?
• Online games with my loved ones, kind of fun how you can connect through wizardry. 
• Finding my courage for adventure one outing at a time.
• Looking for more things that make me happy
•  God put you here to learn, and to be happy. Do him proud and work on those. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone, you're good to go.
• Find the beauty in things.

                    Pick anything. This is especially important when its something that you wouldn't like normally. Try
                    to understand a different view. That sounds hokey but its what I do especially when I meet a person
                    who is so vile you can't understand how they have gotten through life this long. "You are horribly
                    evil, but what a nice manicure."

                   Understandably its kind of hard for encounters with certain people/circumstances/whatnot but think
                   of the process as re-training your brain. It expands your horizons. Or just know it makes you into a 
                   total detective which may someday have its merits elsewhere in getting you props. Maybe someday
                   there will be a party game you totally win because of this observation thing.

                   Plus side it also encourages you to keep your mouth shut long enough to look for something and
                   someday might save you from being terribly stupid.

• Acknowledge beauty. Especially to others. 

                    This is an extension of the last one.

                    Life is kind of a pain in the ass sometimes. I don't think its intentional but you know those days
                    when God and the entire universe are on a mission to teach you patience, and so sends you every
                    horribly inconsiderate person that ever existed in one day?

                    Those days happen and they suck.

                    Amazingly enough they happen to EVERY SINGLE PERSON. Every last one. Even babies have     
                    those days when pacifiers taste like floor.

                    So when you see someone do something good, kind, considerate, showing their talent, looking nice,
                    tell them so. Maybe just thank them for being in a good mood. I don't know about you but I
                    remember those things and hold onto them as desperately as life preserver until things start getting
                    better again.

                    Oh and remind people that you love them (only those you do of course). It doesn't have to be
                    words, but people like reminders.

• Laugh. Often. And Sing. 
• It makes you happy. It makes God happy because you're happy. Win-Win. 
• Make your word mean something.
• If you say you're going to do something, do it. Otherwise don't agree to it. Really now, most people would rather know right away instead of waiting and then you flake out.
• When you say something, choose your words carefully. Don't scatter them about so they lose their meaning, or wind up being misconstrued.
• This last one I'm honestly still working on. Geez its tough work.

 Now back to the original thought, I get stuck on myself.

I want to see the good I've done and how it affects others. I want to mean something. Be something. How self centered is that? I don't do anything with the intention of the action earning me points but on the other hand am so desperately seeking my path I want to see that at least I've mattered in this life somewhere.

Have you heard of the ripple effect? A butterfly flaps its wings and somewhere a tree falls down or someone gets a new car or something? You do something and it affects a dozen other people because of it? I love that idea. We matter to each other regardless of it being recognized. You matter to me. I don't know why, but thank you. Its a really fantastic idea.

So to remind myself to get over it, I'm watching The Five People You Meet In Heaven (based off a book btw). If any movie can pull at your heart, this definitely does. Its all about a man who doesn't know how incredible his life has been until after he dies. All the little things he's done to do the right thing, to be respectful to his parents/brother/co-workers, to be good to his wife, the little things he did to make kids smile at the amusement park where he worked, they led to some pretty incredible results. But even after he sees the results, he doesn't think they were necessarily anything special, but he mattered to a lot of people. Many of the little things were really huge things. His life without meaning had purpose every time.

How beautiful that is!